I just learned about this theory of autism that I hadn’t heard before called monotropism.
And basically what it means is that autistic people can only process one channel of information at a time, whereas neurotypical people are polytropic, and can process several channels of information at the same time.
Monotropism is seen in ADHD as well.
And it is a theory that explains both sensory issues and social issues in autism. So for example, an autistic person might hate the hum of a refrigerator because it becomes the only sensory input their mind is focusing on, whereas a neurotypical person can take in all of the sights and sounds in a room at once.
And then in a social situation, an autistic person can only focus on one aspect of the social situation at a time, so for example, the other person’s tone, or the shapes the other person’s mouth is making, or if the other person’s eyes are sparkling, or making the right facial expressions themselves.
An analogy to explain monotropism is that when a neurotypical person enters a metaphorical room, everything is lit up evenly by soft overheard lighting.
Whereas when an autistic person enters the metaphorical room, their only lighting is a flashlight that can light up a small circle of the room at a time, and the flashlight is very bright, so with it you can see textures, dirt and other details that you would never see with normal lighting.
I realized this week that traditional spirituality (both new age, eastern and western) isn’t truly Life-Affirming because it is written down by people who aren’t actively in the process of creating new human life.
In other words, it’s not written by mothers. Or even by fathers who are primary care takers.
It has all these rigid practices that don’t fit into life with little kids. Even though raising little kids is spiritual.
IDK, I could say a lot more, but here’s the video that inspired me
Pad to go under. I am using EVA foam because it’s what I had around. I see people using thick felt, carpet squares, cork, or the kind of padding that goes under carpets.
My five year old son likes Lynels from the Legend of Zelda. Lynels are giant, scary, fierce monsters. He’s intrigued by all monsters actually. He got this book from the library that has a bunch of monsters from folk tales and from classic science fiction (for example Kraken, Dracula, Grendel, Oni). And they’re all really creepy looking but he just loves looking at the pictures and showing them to people, asking, “Does this creep you out?” Which I don’t get because I’ve always wanted nothing to do with freaky images.
Anyways, my two year old is not into magical creatures right now. Just dogs, firemen, “working men,” that type of thing.
For myself, I’m not sure. I’ve always loved mythology and fairy tales. Probably fairies. Yes! Fairies and tree nymphs and river nymphs. I like really pretty, ethereal things.
A milk of choice, plus a high fiber, low sugar cereal. I find that I have to use a milk that has fat otherwise I don’t feel full (almond milk is a no-go)
Yogurt with some granola on top. I find that adding granola to yogurt helps me feel more full (those whole grains!)
A protein drink and a whole grain bar. Again, I don’t get satisfied from a drink alone, but if I add something that requires chewing, I feel like I’ve had a real breakfast.
Packaged hard boiled eggs and either kettle potato chips or whole grain chips. This one is probably the most unconventional on this list, but hear me out. My mom used to fry up leftover baked potatoes with scrambled eggs for breakfast all the time. This is the pre-packaged version for those of us that can’t be bothered. You might be surprised to find potato chips on a “healthy” food list, but they do have 2 grams of fiber and 15 grams carbohydrates per serving, which is pretty decent, especially paired with the portion in the eggs.
Today I had this moment where I had finished giving the boys a bath, and I kind of needed a bath, at least to reset my curls if nothing else, because they were looking extra extra sad.
But we were running out of time before preschool, and I was kind of panicking over whether or not to take a quick shower. I felt guilty either way and I was starting to spiral into panic
Then I remembered a rule I had made for myself. The rule is that after 9:30 I’m not allowed to do anything extra to my hair or outfit, other than what’s absolutely necessary. This is 1.5 hours before preschool starts. I made this rule because I frequently get super carried away with fixing my appearance endlessly, because everything I try looks terrible, and then it makes us late to preschool.
So anyways, once I remembered this rule, I was like, “Ah! My decision has been made for me.” and I felt this huge sense of relief.
Anyway, all of that is to say that as an Autist, making these kinds of decisions is not intuitive and takes up a lot of mental effort. And in this instance I happened to have a rule to make the decision on, but most of the time I don’t.
I wish I could play board games with my 4 year old. I often say that parenting one of my children at a time is pretty fun because you can play 1 on 1 with them, but I haven’t found many fun activities that all 3 of us like. If we play Legos, someone’s Legos get destroyed, etc.
But I had an idea this morning that might be genius.
The idea is that we play academic preschool games outdoors without any physical materials that the toddler can mess up.
So, for example, Red Light, Green Light but saying an addition problem for how many steps to take.
(Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional and this is for entertainment purposes only)
So I recently learned that I am autistic and hyper mobile. Hyper mobile means that my joints are more flexible than average. Autism and hyper mobility are commonly comorbid. Another factor that can affect people with autism is that autistic people miss social cues. So that can include watching how other people walk, sit, stand etc., and missing some of the details of these processes.
Anyways, when I was watching Downton Abbey, I was really impressed by how long the actresses sit up straight on the edges of their seats for. Here’s one example:
This isn’t the best example. The best example is when everyone is sitting in the living room, having a long conversation, sitting on the edges of their seats with their backs ramrod straight.
I would watch this and think, “If I had to do that I would be in so much pain!”
And you would think that I would know how to sit up straight because I’ve been in dance classes my whole life. I remember when I was five, we would all sit in a circle with our legs straight out in front of us and the teachers would show us to sit up straight instead of slouching back into a c-shaped spine.
But recently, after several months in physical therapy, I have come to understand that what I have always thought of as sitting up straight is incorrect. Here is a picture of what felt like sitting up straight to me (apologies for the sneeze face. It was the best screenshot I could pull out of the video I made about this. I’m not actually sneezing, just mid sentence).
And here is a picture of what sitting up straight actually looks like:
In the first way, I arch my back too far forward because I thought that whatever is the direct opposite of slouching must be sitting up straight.
In the second picture, I’m imagining pulling muscles inside of the middle of my lower torso toward the floor. I’m imagining pulling my sits bones away from my shoulders and creating as much space between the top and bottom of my torso as I can.
I’m the first version, it hurts, and rightly so because it is doing damage to my spine.
In the second, version, it feels like work, but it feels good, like I have muscles to hold onto and like I’m building strength.
So I’m really passionate about Montessori, because it’s basically accessibility and justice for children. It’s about respecting them and seeing the world through their point of view.
But it’s taken me a long time to go through a grief cycle about how Montessori looks with my children. I have lots of big ideas and I can barely feed and bathe all of us.
I wanted my kids to have a mini kitchen with running water and Montessori shelves. I wanted my kids to have low screen time. I wanted them to do chores with me whenever I’m doing chores. And lots of other ideas. But, none of those things are maintainable by me. I do not have the bandwidth to keep up. So I feel like a failure.
But now I am rebuilding a new life and vision from the ground up.
Part of my problem in all of this is definitely my autistic rigid, black and white, all or nothing thinking.
The other week I made a TikTok video about my communication difficulties with my son when I’m making simple food, such as chicken nuggets, for him, and a bunch of people suggested having him help me put the nuggets in the air fryer.
And I was floored. I’ve been so stuck on this vision of my life where someday I’ll have things together enough to make food from scratch and have my kids help me make it in this Montessori heaven. The Montessori lifestyle is way out on the other side of “getting my life in order.”
And it hadn’t occurred to me that while we are in chicken nugget mode, I can have my kids help me put chicken nuggets in the microwave. Even if it takes me two seconds to do and seems too simple to be consequential. It’s actually perfect for them because it’s something that they’ll be able to do entirely on their own relatively quickly compared to making a full meal. Then they’ll be able to get their own food! That will be empowering for them. I don’t have to pan and come up with some list of special “Montessori” snacks that kids can do by themselves, like crackers and peanut butter, if that’s not what we were going to eat anyway.
I’ve learned about using accommodations from the disability, neurodivergence and mental health justice communities. Accommodations like pre prepared food and disposable dishes.
But I hadn’t put together Montessori, which is supposed to be accessibility for children, I hadn’t let it be intersectional with accessibility for disabled adults. Montessori is only really social justice for children if it’s intersectional.
Anyways, I’m really excited about the phrase intersectional Montessori.
Of course, I want to acknowledge that it’s based off of the term Intersectional Feminism which was coined by Kimberlè Crenshaw, a leading scholar of critical race theory.
Also of course, I do still have a lot of privilege which makes a lot of Montessori practices accessible to my family. There’s a LOT to talk about access to child centered education (and life) for all children on a systemic level. But I unfortunately am not really able to be the person for that at this phase in my life, as much as I wish I could be.
Some intersectional Montessori (more or less specific to Montessori) influencers:
Britt Hawthorne
What Dad Did
Jessica Kellgren-Fozard
KC Davis/Domestic Blisters/Struggle Care
I know that their are also influencers who are more so working in policy and school administration, but I can’t remember any of them since I’m not actively thinking about that space right now.
Oh, also, the point of this whole article was that we’ve been making premade salads, and the boys love eating them afterwards, which they never liked as much before. And we feel Montessori joy! It’s accessible to us!
Wellesley Kopsa 