Historical Context for Elder Holland’s Address

From 1968-71, other sports teams protested playing with BYU, because BYU didn’t have any Black athletes, and there were scandals about Black applicants to the school getting systemically rejected. (You can read all about it in this article Utah Historical Quarterly, Volume 81, Number 3, 2013, pages 204-229, https://issuu.com/utah10/docs/uhq_volume81_2013_number3)

From 1971-75, the IRS went after Bob Jones University for segregation. (https://www.oyez.org/cases/1982/81-3) No doubt there was fear that the same might happen to BYU.

This speech by President Kimball was given in 1975.

The policy banning Black people from the temple and the Priesthood ended in 1978.

The Spencer W. Kimball talk that Elder Holland referenced repeatedly is:

“The Second Century of Brigham Young University,” 1975,


Here are some quotes from Kimball’s talk:

“BYU, in its second century, must become the last remaining bastion of of resistance to the invading ideologies that seek control of curriculum as well as classroom. We do not resist such ideas because we fear them, but because they are false.”

“When the pressures mount for us to follow the false ways of the world, we hope in the years yet future that those who are part of this university and the Church Educational System will not attempt to counsel the board of trustees to follow false ways.”

“No one is more anxious than the Brethren who stand at the head of this Church to receive such guidance as the Lord would give them for the benefit of mankind and for the people of the Church. Thus, it is important to remember what we have in the revelations of the Lord: “And thou shalt not command him who is at thy head, and at the head of the church.”

He also quoted the New Testament:

“The world hath hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil. They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.”

“We hope that our friends, and even our ­critics, will understand why we must resist anything that would rob BYU of its basic uniqueness in its second century.”

New Policies

“This <insert community name> is a judgment free zone! Free of contention! So we have a few new policies:

  1. If you want to bring your toddlers to the toddler area with runny noses, you are now allowed to. Because in this community, we don’t judge your personal decisions. We are not judgmental!
  2. If you want to drive without scraping the ice off your windshield, we won’t judge you. Because here we are not judgmental! We are not going to presume to interfere with your bodily autonomy like that.”

Journaling Question from the book /Me and White Supremacy/ by Ijeoma Oluo

“Think back across your life, from childhood to where you are in your life now. In what ways have you consciously or subconsciously believed that you are better than BIPOC?”

Oh gosh.
Bipoc people use food stamps.
Whenever I imagine druggy parents, I by default imagine black or brown parents.
Whenever I imagine parents in need of government assistance, I imagine black and brown parents.
When I imagine a crowd of black students, I assume they’re not going to be as into academics as I am. I assume they’re not going to be into philosophy, math or engineering.

I assume they’re going to be into dance, partying, maybe English, History and Political Science?

Whenever I imagine a mother who has to work to survive and so puts her kids in daycare even though she can’t afford to and working barely pays for daycare, I imagine a black or brown woman.

Whenever I think to myself that I’m a bad parent, and then think, “well there’s parents on a whole different level of bad” I imagine black and brown parents.

Whenever I imagine parents in literal survival mode just feeding their kids processed food, I imagine black and brown parents.

There Are Too Many Things I Want to Do

My problem is that there are too many things I want to do.

I want to have babies. I want to have my dream house interiors. I want to go hiking often. I want to serve in my community. I am dying to be good at ballet and modern dance. I want to have a meaningful Montessori Instagram. I want to have a political blog where I explain all of my thoughts on things. I want to have a historical fashion YouTube channel. I need to do physical therapy exercises every day so I can fix my feet, hips and back. I want to arrange hangouts so that we can make a few friends out here.

And those are like, the most important things. There are a lot of other things I want to do.

I’d love to go running every day. I’d love to take my kids swimming all the time. I want to blog about everything I think about like I am doing right now. I want to take my family on adventures, to new places in California and further away. I want to give my kids tons of outdoor time. I want to take a course on non violent communication so I can heal my relationships with my family members.

And in a dream world I would also:

Consolidate all my old blog posts onto one blog. Play piano. Be great at yoga and use it to zen out regularly. Do family history work regularly. Have a hydroponic window vegetable garden. Take my kids to the library once a week.

And in an impossible world I would also:

Play the violin. Make the best baby carrier ever. Do weight training to have strong bones and be able to do a pull up.

I have so much stuff I want to get done and so little time. How do I solve this puzzle?

Realizing at 25 that I’ve been complicit in evil my whole life

Oh that I were an angel, that I could shake the earth and tell people,

“Black Lives Matter!!! Israel is a colonialist project! Trump is despicable! Love is love! Patriarchy is evil!”

Things that oppose these things make my stomach churn and drain my sense of humanity. And I’m a straight white wealthy person. I can’t imagine what people go through who get affected more by these issues.

Sometimes I wish I could just make all the people around me understand these things.


So I just learned this word called Twee and I’m excited about it.

Twee was a cultural movement that came to a head around 2012-2014 ish.

You can read about by googling it. There’s an Atlantic article I believe.

But for fun I want to make a list of Twee things.

Here goes:

  • Jess in New Girl
  • The Christian singer JJ Heller
  • Mindy Gledhill’s album Anchor
  • The show Portlandia (it kind of makes fun of Twee, but it in itself is pretty Twee)
  • YouTuber Dodie Clark (at least her younger reincarnation)
  • YouTuber Evan Edinger
  • YouTuber Tessa Violet
  • Nerdfighteria is probably the biggest Twee community that is readily findable
  • The Fault in Our Stars
  • John and Hank Green
  • The book Stargirl
  • ModCloth
  • Bird silhouettes (see Portlandia sketch Put a Bird on It)
  • Singer Emily Hearn

I Finally Put Together A Montessori Kitchen

We did it. The IKEA kitchen is put together now, complete with a thrifted water dispenser with real water.

I never got dressed today and didn’t clean anything until bedtime, but it’s done 😅

For anyone curious, giving toddlers a water supply they can access on their own is an idea from the Montessori methodology. Clark super enjoyed filling his cup up, guzzling water, and giving it to me and @coltonkopsa
I’m going to add snacks, wash cloths and dishes to the cupboards for further independence.

And yes, there was some dumping of water, but I’m confident that if I’m firm about taking the water away whenever that happens that he’ll learn.

New Morning Routine

I’ve decided to start blogging for five minutes every morning. It’s gonna be fun!

My current morning routine is going to last at least 45 minutes. This morning I also decided to commit to meditating 10 minutes every morning.

BUT even though all these things will make me work later, they are going to give me more power over my life.

A few more minutes every morning is nothing.

Plus, blogging is something I really look forward to, but never have the time to do. Hopefully this helps me feel more like I have something to look forward to everyday in spite of the grind.


Sunday morning is here again. I did stay up until midnight and sleep in until 8 so I barely have time to write.

But I did clean the house yesterday. And it felt like it took an hour for us to just clean the living room and kitchen, which “weren’t that messy”

And I did get one project done yesterday: making sensory bins.

It is December 1st. I’m trying to not be a grump about Christmas.

This is my thought process around Christmas time:

Oh wow it’s Christmas time again. Aww man, I loved Christmas as a kid, but now it feels like a disappointment. I was SO obsessed with Christmas as a teen, and then I realized that it didn’t live up to those expectations, and ever since then I’ve been at best uncomfortable with Christmas. At worst I’ve been angry that it has betrayed me and I always want to skip Christmas. Then I think, “Well what you’ve really got to do to get the Spirit of Christmas is serve others. Do something from Light the World.” So then I keep trying to think of ways I can do ‘enough’ and I manage to eek out one or a few things, mostly or only donating money online. And think, “See, there’s some holiday spirit, I don’t really feel it still but that was a good thing to do.”

And then on Christmas morning I try to ignore the materialism and especially not get grumpy inside about what I did or didn’t receive, which I always do. But I DO really enjoy watching people open gifts I gave them. I think the coolest Christmas morning was when we made homemade gifts for all the siblings. However, the week leading up to that was stress ball crazy, But it was fun too. I made a sloth for Merritt that ended up looking like an Adventure Time character and that was really rewarding.

Yeah so I think this year I am going to make a plan to make a plan today about holiday activities and service so that I can actually do some stuff.